Not sure why I chose frogs

I'm not really sure why, but lately I've been in a battle with myself - I bet you thought I was going to say "I've been feeling a little green." Frogs? Eh? Ha ha ha! Never mind.

Oliver is currently obsessed with the immune system and the battle between the "good guys,"aka white blood cells, helper T-cells and phagocytes, and the "bad guys," aka bacteria and viruses, and I keep seeing the video illustrating this in my head as I think about what I'm going to write.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lrYlZJiuf18&feature=player_detailpage

Negative Frog

 I've been so SO irritatingly negative about everything. While that's not totally outside my character, ha ha, it seems to have intensified. And it seems to come in waves. Nich and I were talking about it last night, and the only conclusion I could come to is that I still haven't figured out my purpose. Maybe it's a midlife crisis at 33, that's kind of sad if I'm only expecting myself to live to 66...so we'll call it a third-life-crisis, but seriously there is something going on. I LOVE being a mother and it was a HUGE adjustment for me to make. I was an art teacher in my former life and I LOVED being a teacher - I miss it all the time - but since I (very thankfully and luckily) have the option, I'd rather be a stay at home mom. And why does "stay at home mom" have such a negative connotation? I feel like I sound either "snooty" or "too stupid to do anything else/one dimensional" when I describe myself that way.

One of the best fathers in the Animal Kingdom

With the huge joy I have in raising our children and being there for every single accomplishment and
failure they have, hearing every funny thing they say or seeing their joy with every new discovery, I also feel there is something lacking. I know very few women who feel this way, or who admit to feeling this way. Am I truly alone in this? While I define myself as "wife" and "mother," I still want "Adriane." As my sweet husband reminds me often, raising our children to be sweet, happy, silly, polite, smart, well-mannered, curious, driven, and loving adults is the most important, and toughest job in the world...and he always adds that it is more important than what he does every day (saving lives, yawn, ha ha ha!). And he is the best father, most tuned-in, goofy, fun, loving dad I could ever even imagine for our babies, and the most wonderful, charming, loving, respectful, supportive, thoughtful, and might I add good-looking, husband on the planet. If he reads this, I know the next time we talk he's going to check my forehead and ask what's wrong with me, ha ha!

Yoga frog

So I've got it pretty good, really good. I know I am blessed, and I am very thankful. SERIOUSLY thankful. And I'm wondering why I feel like something is missing. I miss having a purpose for myself. And it's not like I haven't been trying to get out of the "one dimensionality" feeling. I've been leading Yoga and Pilates at church and have LOVED that. Truly enjoying the time to connect with my body, listen to calm music, and hang out with other women in the same stage of life. But that seems to be ending now with our awesome fitness guru leaving us and moving away. Yes, I am REALLY bummed she's leaving. I really really enjoyed getting back into painting while "cramming" for the Backyard Boutique (although I don't recommend staying up til 3 AM every night for a week when your children wake between 5:30-6, even when that's the only time to work), and I've enjoyed snapping photographs around town...although I found that is a little tougher with TWO little ones, oh nap schedules! And I've really enjoyed making fun activities for Oliver and Ian for church (I have yet to post the 3 of 10 I've completed so far, and starting the stencil in my entryway. Oh, and I haven't mentioned I reached my goal of getting down to 115 pounds. I'm halfway wondering if I'm experiencing "withdrawal" from my losing weight project.

"Ack!" frog

I've got all of these balls up in the air, and I really truly enjoy having a lot of things I'm involved in. I
feel like I've been immersing myself in a lot of different areas and am still coming up empty - it's like the one thing I HAVE found in my search is that I am still searching. Ack! I know I know, woe is me. But really, I'm wondering if maybe it's not someTHING I'm trying to connect with, but someONE. Well, I'll re-write that to be somePEOPLE. I've got gorgeous kids I love with more than my heart can hold, and the best friend I've ever had in my husband. But no close friends anymore. For years I've kept superficial relationships because we move so often. We move again in another year and I keep thinking, "why start trying now?" And really, why?

Zen frog

So I still can't put my finger on it. There's just an undercurrent that seems to be getting stronger and harder to quiet these days, and I feel like if I could just figure it out, all will be Zen again. Right? Wait, has it ever been "Zen?" I think that's totally a made up state of being - something to strive for even though it doesn't actually exists.

And it's funny, as I write this, Ian is smashing a fake vase against the tile and very happily and proudly bringing me the little pieces that fall off each time. I suppose I should get and put away the vase and distract him with a belly full of kisses :) Froggy kisses for my little prince. Too cheesey? Ok ok.