Beautiful Bodies

A sneak peek: Ian opening presents

I know normally I write and post pictures about my kiddoes and how precious they are, (they ARE!) and soon I will post Ian's 1st birthday party (just as soon as I get some pictures from my brother's camera), oh, and he's officially walking now!! He could walk for a good month, but refused to. Preferring to hold on to furniture and people, and then bear-crawl everywhere, he has finally decided if he wants to carry around more than one item, it behooves him to walk :) And it's the cute, wide-stance, arms in the air, orangutang walk. Love it!!

Based on my post yesterday, and stuff on my mind today, I'm just having issues. So what better place to write about it than here! 'Cause I know you want to read about my issues, ha ha ha!

It's no secret I've been trying to lose my baby weight and tone up so I can A) fit in my old clothes and not spend money on a new wardrobe, B) be able to play with my boys the way I want to, and C) stay healthy and live to see my grandbabies and hopefully GREAT grandbabies (not sure how that's going to happen since neither of my boys will be allowed to date until they're 30, maybe 35). I've succeeded and am now 10 pounds away from my wedding day weight (yipee!) BUT, or is it "butt," my body isn't the same now that I'm 33 and have had 3 babies. My waist isn't in the same place, the girls aren't in the same place (hello belly button thanks to nursing for over a year!), but somehow my saddlebags are smaller (YES!) and bustline bigger (would be a YES if not for the saggy baggy elephant effect), and feet are a whole size SMALLER (say what?!? Hello new shoes!), a few more gray hairs (ok, like 25% of my head)  and wrinkles, and my hands are starting to turn into my mother's hands. (I love you mom!) All in all I'm happy with the way things are, it's just different and the old wardrobe doesn't quite fit. Good news for Kohl's and JCPenny's, bad news for the bank account, ha ha ha! Thankfully my "nice pants" from my teaching days work, as well as pullovers and jackets. I will say, it was the best thing to invest in a nice, good bra to make clothes fit properly again and not look like an old, sad lady. (re-reading this, it appears I'm very concerned with my bosom...yet the stretch marks (turning a pasty, silvery white) and extra skin around the middle when I sit, are very much on my mind. I try to think of them as Julian, Oliver, and Ian's permanent marks on me, like tattoos I chose - and yes, I know which kids made which ones and I actually like them when I remember at what point they appeared)

Then I was in the grocery store the other day and stared at the typical magazines in the check out line.

  "Who's too fat and who's too thin" was one headline. Then a bunch of emaciated-looking movie stars in bathing suits with black bars over their eyes, and women, who have what I consider a normal, middle-aged woman's body, in bathing suits with the same black bars over their eyes. "And look who has CELLULITE!" OMG!! No way!!! A woman with cellulite?? Shoot her!! And "Look how OLD Goldie Hawn looks without make-up! Stars without make up and on their way back from being hot and sweaty from working out" Or, "Why is it taking Jessica Simpson so long to lose her baby weight? Is she pregnant again?" Really? Leave her alone!! It took most of a year to  MAKE an entire human being, give her a break. The people who write this stuff clearly never had to deal with pregnancy, taking care of a newborn, or trying to get anything done in the first 6 months of a baby's life. And if they have, well, shame on them. Why do we like looking at the misfortunes of others? Whether it be they don't look 25 anymore (or is 14 the new 25...and 40 is the new 30? confusing), their social or professional lives aren't what they want, or they have botched plastic surgery in an effort to look "Hollywood" enough so we WON'T make fun of them. Oh the irony.

"They" want us to live up to a particular unreachable standard, make fun of people who try, and then villainize people who appear to do so. I recall everyone (the media) LOVING Halle Barry and how sweet she is, how amazing she looks, then ran to her side when everyone found out she was married to a creep...but when photos of her in a bikini with a hint of cellulite on her thighs, everyone turned on her and begged to know "What happened? When will she lose the weight?" Can't we age in peace people? Develop our middle-aged spread in peace?

Maybe I'm particularly affected this week because, well it is THAT time, and I've become aware for the first time in 4 years that I am actually getting older. No amount of working out will change the above-mentioned sagginess, the stretch marks, the fine lines, the extra belly skin and white hairs. Nice clothes and hair color sure help, but despite my best efforts, the years are rolling along. I'm very happy for them too and I suspect I will have my Granny's attitude on age where when she was asked how old she was, she'd smile and say "Well next year I'll be 86." She wasn't scared of her age, white hair, wrinkled wise face, shrunken stature and scars from a double mastectomy. She actually embraced it. All of it. I really want that to be my attitude. I wish people would focus on THAT side of aging. Graceful aging where you recognize people for their wisdom, their legacies, and honor how amazing our bodies are and all they endure over a lifetime.

So maybe yesterday I wasn't ready to get off my soapbox, but I'm stepping down again now. For today anyway...ha ha ha!

SAHM Wars

As a stay at home mom, or SAHM as it is referred to online, there is a lot of perceived societal pressure to be, well,  awesome. Because I am home all day, the house should stay clean, laundry done, kids fabulous and always well behaved, the TV off all day long, perfect family photos, amazing crafts done, have interesting hobbies, my hair always done, make up done, well-balanced dinner cooked, 16 frozen homemade meals for back up, stocked pantry, playdates scheduled, doctors appointments done on time, 3 Pinterest ideas going, getting the pre-baby body back within 12 weeks post-partem (and that baby sleeping through the night by then), finding amazing deals all day long because "Thrifty" is your middle name, having opinions on everything from politics to who's sleeping with whom in Hollywood, being sexy with your husband at least 3 times a week ... you get the gist - "Leave it to Beaver's" mom (except we all know they were only between the sheets to conceive their 2 boys, actually on second thought, the boys were adopted...proper people in the '50's didn't have "relations"). The 1950's stereotype is alive and well amongst a lot of women, just in the 21st century add on Facebook, blogs, Twitter and such social media, with people scrutinizing each other whilst posting the perfect moments in their lives and hiding the bad.
 

I've read so many articles about how tough moms are on other moms. Women holding each other up to unrealistic expectations and laughing at, while being secretly relieved, when other moms don't (and can't) live up to them. I have definitely felt these pressures at different times, and know I always fall short. Everyone falls short. I suspect it is even tougher for moms who work - add on all that's expected from women to perform 100% in the workplace too. I don't plan to rewrite those articles, although I do love reading them as a psychological breath of fresh air. I believe whole-heartedly that we as women need to support each other. Lose the high school social hierarchy and just support each other without the catty comments and look-you-over-head-to-toe stares.

I will say that, as of late. it seems there has been a new wave of "Rah Rah Moms!!" (as there needs to be) who admit to and don't mind others knowing that they wear sweats or pajamas all day, that they're lucky if they get a shower in before noon (heck, by bedtime), fed their kids mac 'n' cheese three times this week, neglected the house and kept the TV on all day while dealing with barf and poop from sick babies or sick themselves, or left their kids to their own devices for 3 hours while they had a chance to reconnect with who they are as a person (even if that IS 3 hours on Pinterest or in a good book (or a bad book...)), who know those 15 extra baby pounds won't come off without a miracle, who are happy they have ANY pictures of their kids, and DIDN'T get a chance to blog this week, or this month, or ever. These are the women I can relate to :) The imperfect women doing their absolute best with the time and energy they have, and some weeks everything's rockin' on all cylinders, and some weeks you're barely keeping your nose above water. I love that there is a huge swing to this side of the spectrum. I'm less embarrassed when people drop by and my house isn't perfect or my mascara isn't on, or I'm walking the dogs and kids in my pajamas (and kids in their pajamas), or my sheets haven't been washed in 3 weeks. Oh, I'm still embarrassed, just LESS embarrassed...

BUT. There is a new judgement from some of these women who have decided to not let others' judgements affect them. It's ironic really. Now I hear women making comments to or about women who dress nicely everyday, who look "put together," or who always have a neat project going (re-doing furniture comes to mind), or who lost their pregnancy weight quickly. Maybe it's out of jealousy, maybe guilt, maybe the desire to have the energy or time to do that...I'm not sure. But I know, just as nasty as it is to feel like you have to be "perfect," it's just as nasty to feel like you shouldn't do what you want because of a different kind of judgement. From the "she's not doing enough" to "she's trying too hard, silly her." It's sad that there are so many unhappy women who are so quick to be snippy. Can we please find that happy medium and just support each other? Ok, I'm getting off my soapbox now. Can't we all just...get along? ;P