SAHM Wars

As a stay at home mom, or SAHM as it is referred to online, there is a lot of perceived societal pressure to be, well,  awesome. Because I am home all day, the house should stay clean, laundry done, kids fabulous and always well behaved, the TV off all day long, perfect family photos, amazing crafts done, have interesting hobbies, my hair always done, make up done, well-balanced dinner cooked, 16 frozen homemade meals for back up, stocked pantry, playdates scheduled, doctors appointments done on time, 3 Pinterest ideas going, getting the pre-baby body back within 12 weeks post-partem (and that baby sleeping through the night by then), finding amazing deals all day long because "Thrifty" is your middle name, having opinions on everything from politics to who's sleeping with whom in Hollywood, being sexy with your husband at least 3 times a week ... you get the gist - "Leave it to Beaver's" mom (except we all know they were only between the sheets to conceive their 2 boys, actually on second thought, the boys were adopted...proper people in the '50's didn't have "relations"). The 1950's stereotype is alive and well amongst a lot of women, just in the 21st century add on Facebook, blogs, Twitter and such social media, with people scrutinizing each other whilst posting the perfect moments in their lives and hiding the bad.
 

I've read so many articles about how tough moms are on other moms. Women holding each other up to unrealistic expectations and laughing at, while being secretly relieved, when other moms don't (and can't) live up to them. I have definitely felt these pressures at different times, and know I always fall short. Everyone falls short. I suspect it is even tougher for moms who work - add on all that's expected from women to perform 100% in the workplace too. I don't plan to rewrite those articles, although I do love reading them as a psychological breath of fresh air. I believe whole-heartedly that we as women need to support each other. Lose the high school social hierarchy and just support each other without the catty comments and look-you-over-head-to-toe stares.

I will say that, as of late. it seems there has been a new wave of "Rah Rah Moms!!" (as there needs to be) who admit to and don't mind others knowing that they wear sweats or pajamas all day, that they're lucky if they get a shower in before noon (heck, by bedtime), fed their kids mac 'n' cheese three times this week, neglected the house and kept the TV on all day while dealing with barf and poop from sick babies or sick themselves, or left their kids to their own devices for 3 hours while they had a chance to reconnect with who they are as a person (even if that IS 3 hours on Pinterest or in a good book (or a bad book...)), who know those 15 extra baby pounds won't come off without a miracle, who are happy they have ANY pictures of their kids, and DIDN'T get a chance to blog this week, or this month, or ever. These are the women I can relate to :) The imperfect women doing their absolute best with the time and energy they have, and some weeks everything's rockin' on all cylinders, and some weeks you're barely keeping your nose above water. I love that there is a huge swing to this side of the spectrum. I'm less embarrassed when people drop by and my house isn't perfect or my mascara isn't on, or I'm walking the dogs and kids in my pajamas (and kids in their pajamas), or my sheets haven't been washed in 3 weeks. Oh, I'm still embarrassed, just LESS embarrassed...

BUT. There is a new judgement from some of these women who have decided to not let others' judgements affect them. It's ironic really. Now I hear women making comments to or about women who dress nicely everyday, who look "put together," or who always have a neat project going (re-doing furniture comes to mind), or who lost their pregnancy weight quickly. Maybe it's out of jealousy, maybe guilt, maybe the desire to have the energy or time to do that...I'm not sure. But I know, just as nasty as it is to feel like you have to be "perfect," it's just as nasty to feel like you shouldn't do what you want because of a different kind of judgement. From the "she's not doing enough" to "she's trying too hard, silly her." It's sad that there are so many unhappy women who are so quick to be snippy. Can we please find that happy medium and just support each other? Ok, I'm getting off my soapbox now. Can't we all just...get along? ;P