Love You Forever

I have to let them do this to their hearts' content at least once at this age! My babies acting out the cover of one of my favorite children's books:

Oliver in our bathroom in Lubbock

Ian in our Temple bathroom

Looks like fun, huh!!

Health Notes

I don't think of myself as having a particularly addictive personality, actually I'm pretty good at starting things but I bore easily and decide to do something different. It has served me well in many ways in different circumstances, not so well in others as you can imagine. But I've noticed I've definitely developed what I believe might be my first addiction. And it's a boring one at that. Health. Yep. A six letter word that to many should only have four. Ha ha ha!

Anyhoo, I decided to get serious back in June 2012 and have gotten much more fit and healthy. I've dropped 22 pounds in these past months and now that I've incorporated more workouts besides walking, (added yoga, total body workouts and just recently Pilates) I've noticed less back pain - a problem I never had until I had babies and was carrying them around all the time. I've never been truly "unhealthy" - I've always been inside the range of a healthy weight, although right at the edge of overweight 22 lbs ago. But I've been remembering all the things I was ever told, and then doing research myself, and I have found some fun facts. I've decided to write them down in one place so I can refer back to it to help motivate myself...although fitting back into my "skinny" clothes is DEFINITELY motivation! The GREEN is where I started in June, the RED is where I currently am and the PINK is my ultimate goal

1. Your waistline should be no bigger than half your height (I'm 5'4", 64", so I can't go above a 32" waist) 34"  27.75"   25".  In my 20's it hovered around 23-24"...so never going to see THAT again.

2. I got this one from my mom back in my teens, and I find that all the BMI charts tend to support it: For a woman, at 5' you should weigh 100 pounds, then add 5 pounds for every inch above 5'. So ideally at 5'4" I'd be 120 pounds.  146-148 lbs.   124-125 lbs.   118-123 lbs. I would love to amend that to add another 3-5 lbs for every decade you are past your 20's...lol!! In my 20's I was between 115-123...I hope to see that again

3. You should keep enough flexibility in your 20's & 30's to lay your hands flat on the ground while keeping your legs straight in a standing position. In your 40's, to be able to touch your toes, in your 50's your ankles, and your 60 + I suppose it's be able to bend in half at all, ha! Eek!  As much as I love yoga, I still can't lay my hands on the floor (in my 20's I could) although I can touch the floor with fingertips. Definitely some work needed there

4. The dreaded BMI (Body Mass Index or % of your body that is fat). Staying between 18.5-25 is healthy. There are charts all over the place but I have gotten it done by those lovely fat pinchers before    25     22    21-22   In my 20's I was around the 21-22 mark

So, those are pretty basic and easy to keep in mind. I am absolutely looking for tricks to lose the last few pounds and get fit. My goal is to get to my "pink" goals by this June. That's a little over four months and I hope do-able. I guess at that time I'll update the progress on it all. I'm planning to join in on a 90 day fitness challenge with a bunch of ladies from church, and I've toyed with the idea of starting one with my family, although so far that has yet to come to fruition. Of the 2 people I talked to, one was very hesitant and the other is already super fit. Hmmmmmm. maybe I started by asking the wrong people? I have family that reads this blog...any ideas? Interest?

2013 - No Running!

Thankfully I haven't seen many blogs about people's New Year's resolutions, so I'll be original this year...however, every talk show and ad on tv have been hoping to cash in on it though - I zip through the commercials for gyms and diets with our DirecTV, but still catch glimpses of what I COULD look like if I devoted only 20 hours to the gym every week...

Back to resolutions. I've never been one to make them either at the beginning of a year nor much in the middle of one. Pretty much I don't resolve to do much...wait. That doesn't sound right. Surely I plan some things. Well, some things do end up getting done - kids are happy and healthy, we're not in financial ruin - hmmm, $300,000 in the red might sound bad to some people, but I'm told it's not in this case - and I've lost all my baby weight + 5 and have to make the uber tough decision to buy a new pair of jeans that fit my new weight or lose 5 pounds more and THEN buy the jeans, I know, super horrible problem to start 2013 off.

Which brings up resolutions, or maybe choices. Maybe they should call it New Year's Choices. I want to be healthier and thinner, yada yada yada, but since I've lost the weight between last June to December, I now want to figure out healthiness. I've decided to give myself full permission to HATE running. I totally hate it whether it's on a treadmill or out in the fresh air. It's so boring and HARD. Totally not for sissies, and I'm a sissy. This year I have resolved myself to this fact and am no longer trying to convince myself of how the benefits outweigh the suckiness. I'm turning back to Pilates and yoga - relaxing, not that much sweating, and certainly no heart beating out of your chest as you try to suck in air and still be able to carry a conversation. No Talking in yoga - I'm pretty sure it's a rule.

Back to choices. I have found that I miss having close friends. At different points in my life I have made the conscience choice to not make any - like when we moved every 3 years and by the third time, I was done with the making and breaking with friends and thought I'd just wait til college to make close friends again. - I did. Yes, my father was a migrant worker, no I mean worked for Shell oil company. That's right. Oh, I loved the moving around part, just got a little emotionally taxing. So, as it turns out, being the wife of a medical student is similar - we're pulled wherever "they" decide we should go every few years as the journey through school, residency, and fellowships takes us, and again it's taking it's toll. Luckily, as I had built-in friends in my sisters growing up, I have built-in tiny friends in my toddler children :) Still, I find myself wanting to connect again with people. We're only here for another year and a half, then WE get to choose where we go (yay!!!). Not that we have a clue where that is. But I am really excited that my yoga choice is paying off in that area since I have found/created some "yogis" at our church where I may be teaching yoga and Pilates in the new year! I'm sure I'll get to hang around people my age there, AND lose the extra 5, AND get to buy the new jeans! DONE!

But there's always a but. Back to my jeans. Didn't they make a movie about jeans and sisterhood or something? Maybe I should check that out, yeah, probably not. So, Ian is almost 14 months old and we're deciding about our next baby, if there is one, and how we can guarantee a girl. I've been having serious talks with the X chromosomes my husband is supposed to be making. To space out the next one as Oliver and Ian are spaced out, I'd need to get my IUD removed in March. Yes, March. And get pregnant in May. Then I could definitely throw out my new jeans, and my old jeans, and just love on my fat jeans since I don't think I want to spend another 7 months trying to lose 21 pounds again (after the 25 that fell off after I had Ian). The very selfish, vain part of me is screaming NOOOooooo, while the very selfish, sane part of me is screaming NOOOooooo!!! Part of me thinks I have my answer right there. Hmmmm, but who really listens to themselves? Thats not one of my strengths. My philosophy is more the "what would a normal person do, and then do something totally bizarre." But that's the New Year's Choice I'm facing right now. What are y'alls resolutions?

Beautiful Bodies

A sneak peek: Ian opening presents

I know normally I write and post pictures about my kiddoes and how precious they are, (they ARE!) and soon I will post Ian's 1st birthday party (just as soon as I get some pictures from my brother's camera), oh, and he's officially walking now!! He could walk for a good month, but refused to. Preferring to hold on to furniture and people, and then bear-crawl everywhere, he has finally decided if he wants to carry around more than one item, it behooves him to walk :) And it's the cute, wide-stance, arms in the air, orangutang walk. Love it!!

Based on my post yesterday, and stuff on my mind today, I'm just having issues. So what better place to write about it than here! 'Cause I know you want to read about my issues, ha ha ha!

It's no secret I've been trying to lose my baby weight and tone up so I can A) fit in my old clothes and not spend money on a new wardrobe, B) be able to play with my boys the way I want to, and C) stay healthy and live to see my grandbabies and hopefully GREAT grandbabies (not sure how that's going to happen since neither of my boys will be allowed to date until they're 30, maybe 35). I've succeeded and am now 10 pounds away from my wedding day weight (yipee!) BUT, or is it "butt," my body isn't the same now that I'm 33 and have had 3 babies. My waist isn't in the same place, the girls aren't in the same place (hello belly button thanks to nursing for over a year!), but somehow my saddlebags are smaller (YES!) and bustline bigger (would be a YES if not for the saggy baggy elephant effect), and feet are a whole size SMALLER (say what?!? Hello new shoes!), a few more gray hairs (ok, like 25% of my head)  and wrinkles, and my hands are starting to turn into my mother's hands. (I love you mom!) All in all I'm happy with the way things are, it's just different and the old wardrobe doesn't quite fit. Good news for Kohl's and JCPenny's, bad news for the bank account, ha ha ha! Thankfully my "nice pants" from my teaching days work, as well as pullovers and jackets. I will say, it was the best thing to invest in a nice, good bra to make clothes fit properly again and not look like an old, sad lady. (re-reading this, it appears I'm very concerned with my bosom...yet the stretch marks (turning a pasty, silvery white) and extra skin around the middle when I sit, are very much on my mind. I try to think of them as Julian, Oliver, and Ian's permanent marks on me, like tattoos I chose - and yes, I know which kids made which ones and I actually like them when I remember at what point they appeared)

Then I was in the grocery store the other day and stared at the typical magazines in the check out line.

  "Who's too fat and who's too thin" was one headline. Then a bunch of emaciated-looking movie stars in bathing suits with black bars over their eyes, and women, who have what I consider a normal, middle-aged woman's body, in bathing suits with the same black bars over their eyes. "And look who has CELLULITE!" OMG!! No way!!! A woman with cellulite?? Shoot her!! And "Look how OLD Goldie Hawn looks without make-up! Stars without make up and on their way back from being hot and sweaty from working out" Or, "Why is it taking Jessica Simpson so long to lose her baby weight? Is she pregnant again?" Really? Leave her alone!! It took most of a year to  MAKE an entire human being, give her a break. The people who write this stuff clearly never had to deal with pregnancy, taking care of a newborn, or trying to get anything done in the first 6 months of a baby's life. And if they have, well, shame on them. Why do we like looking at the misfortunes of others? Whether it be they don't look 25 anymore (or is 14 the new 25...and 40 is the new 30? confusing), their social or professional lives aren't what they want, or they have botched plastic surgery in an effort to look "Hollywood" enough so we WON'T make fun of them. Oh the irony.

"They" want us to live up to a particular unreachable standard, make fun of people who try, and then villainize people who appear to do so. I recall everyone (the media) LOVING Halle Barry and how sweet she is, how amazing she looks, then ran to her side when everyone found out she was married to a creep...but when photos of her in a bikini with a hint of cellulite on her thighs, everyone turned on her and begged to know "What happened? When will she lose the weight?" Can't we age in peace people? Develop our middle-aged spread in peace?

Maybe I'm particularly affected this week because, well it is THAT time, and I've become aware for the first time in 4 years that I am actually getting older. No amount of working out will change the above-mentioned sagginess, the stretch marks, the fine lines, the extra belly skin and white hairs. Nice clothes and hair color sure help, but despite my best efforts, the years are rolling along. I'm very happy for them too and I suspect I will have my Granny's attitude on age where when she was asked how old she was, she'd smile and say "Well next year I'll be 86." She wasn't scared of her age, white hair, wrinkled wise face, shrunken stature and scars from a double mastectomy. She actually embraced it. All of it. I really want that to be my attitude. I wish people would focus on THAT side of aging. Graceful aging where you recognize people for their wisdom, their legacies, and honor how amazing our bodies are and all they endure over a lifetime.

So maybe yesterday I wasn't ready to get off my soapbox, but I'm stepping down again now. For today anyway...ha ha ha!

SAHM Wars

As a stay at home mom, or SAHM as it is referred to online, there is a lot of perceived societal pressure to be, well,  awesome. Because I am home all day, the house should stay clean, laundry done, kids fabulous and always well behaved, the TV off all day long, perfect family photos, amazing crafts done, have interesting hobbies, my hair always done, make up done, well-balanced dinner cooked, 16 frozen homemade meals for back up, stocked pantry, playdates scheduled, doctors appointments done on time, 3 Pinterest ideas going, getting the pre-baby body back within 12 weeks post-partem (and that baby sleeping through the night by then), finding amazing deals all day long because "Thrifty" is your middle name, having opinions on everything from politics to who's sleeping with whom in Hollywood, being sexy with your husband at least 3 times a week ... you get the gist - "Leave it to Beaver's" mom (except we all know they were only between the sheets to conceive their 2 boys, actually on second thought, the boys were adopted...proper people in the '50's didn't have "relations"). The 1950's stereotype is alive and well amongst a lot of women, just in the 21st century add on Facebook, blogs, Twitter and such social media, with people scrutinizing each other whilst posting the perfect moments in their lives and hiding the bad.
 

I've read so many articles about how tough moms are on other moms. Women holding each other up to unrealistic expectations and laughing at, while being secretly relieved, when other moms don't (and can't) live up to them. I have definitely felt these pressures at different times, and know I always fall short. Everyone falls short. I suspect it is even tougher for moms who work - add on all that's expected from women to perform 100% in the workplace too. I don't plan to rewrite those articles, although I do love reading them as a psychological breath of fresh air. I believe whole-heartedly that we as women need to support each other. Lose the high school social hierarchy and just support each other without the catty comments and look-you-over-head-to-toe stares.

I will say that, as of late. it seems there has been a new wave of "Rah Rah Moms!!" (as there needs to be) who admit to and don't mind others knowing that they wear sweats or pajamas all day, that they're lucky if they get a shower in before noon (heck, by bedtime), fed their kids mac 'n' cheese three times this week, neglected the house and kept the TV on all day while dealing with barf and poop from sick babies or sick themselves, or left their kids to their own devices for 3 hours while they had a chance to reconnect with who they are as a person (even if that IS 3 hours on Pinterest or in a good book (or a bad book...)), who know those 15 extra baby pounds won't come off without a miracle, who are happy they have ANY pictures of their kids, and DIDN'T get a chance to blog this week, or this month, or ever. These are the women I can relate to :) The imperfect women doing their absolute best with the time and energy they have, and some weeks everything's rockin' on all cylinders, and some weeks you're barely keeping your nose above water. I love that there is a huge swing to this side of the spectrum. I'm less embarrassed when people drop by and my house isn't perfect or my mascara isn't on, or I'm walking the dogs and kids in my pajamas (and kids in their pajamas), or my sheets haven't been washed in 3 weeks. Oh, I'm still embarrassed, just LESS embarrassed...

BUT. There is a new judgement from some of these women who have decided to not let others' judgements affect them. It's ironic really. Now I hear women making comments to or about women who dress nicely everyday, who look "put together," or who always have a neat project going (re-doing furniture comes to mind), or who lost their pregnancy weight quickly. Maybe it's out of jealousy, maybe guilt, maybe the desire to have the energy or time to do that...I'm not sure. But I know, just as nasty as it is to feel like you have to be "perfect," it's just as nasty to feel like you shouldn't do what you want because of a different kind of judgement. From the "she's not doing enough" to "she's trying too hard, silly her." It's sad that there are so many unhappy women who are so quick to be snippy. Can we please find that happy medium and just support each other? Ok, I'm getting off my soapbox now. Can't we all just...get along? ;P